soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
