Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
