i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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