She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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