he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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