WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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