you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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