we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
