We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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