either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
