Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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