Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
