I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
