Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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