Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
