A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just want nice things and good sex
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We're too hungover to prance.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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