If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
