I just cut my nipple shaving
4 words: hood of his car
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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