Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
