I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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