There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
