i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
FUCK WHALES
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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