how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
