I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
