Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
