Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
