You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
cat food counts as protein by the way
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
