She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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