um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
