Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
