I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
