you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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