I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
