I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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