I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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