ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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