Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
