I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
