how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
