I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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