airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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