the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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