i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
