I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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