i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
