They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
