i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
