ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
