we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
