I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
