I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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