you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
