i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
