remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
