Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
