Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
