I just threw up on my dentist
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
