I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
