i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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